who cares? | rex orange county concert + feelings and stuff

hi! I definitely already said goodnight to everyone but here i am. so let’s get it

tonight I saw Rex Orange County in concert for the 2nd time ever and honestly, this time was even better than the last. it’s been a couple of years since the first time but he’s one of my comfort artists and always on my radar. an artist whose music has helped me through a lot of really shitty experiences in my life. needless to say, I love him, and concerts. they’re both “peak happiness” things for me.

lately i’ve been putting effort into paying more attention to other things that give me “peak happiness” feelings. whether they’re external or things about myself, all in an effort to re-learn and better understand me in relation to everything around me.

[but also because I’m convinced that if I don’t consistently seek out and recognize pockets of happiness in this hard, sometimes depressing ass world I’ll actually burst into flames.]

with that, i’ve compiled a list [based upon tonight & other recent moments of realization]:

THINGS THAT GIVE ME “PEAK HAPPINESS” ENERGY:

- rex orange county in concert (+ in general)

- being comfy going to concerts alone + taking up space

- when I care more about my enjoyment than how other people might perceive me (publicly dancing, singing, taking photos…etc)

- doing my makeup extra spicy for concerts and having ppl my age compliment it while older moms glare at me (+ smiling at them)

- gradually remembering parts of myself that I used to love before they were heavily criticized, making me want to kill them off (suppress tf out of them)

end list.

okay so as far as the older mom thing, it happens way more often than you’d think it would. it has nothing to do with me though so it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. who cares? BUT, that’s not the part of the list that matters the most. it’s point directly below that one.

I wholeheartedly believe that there are certain experiences and moments in this life that naturally guide us back to really kick ass parts of ourselves (just as there are experiences that guide us toward inner change). when I say that I mean 🧚🏽divine🧚🏽 experiences, in perfect timing, for whatever the reason!

maybe you need that part of yourself moving forward into new opportunities, wants, chapters…etc. or maybe it’s so you can rediscover your sense of self and how amazing you are/were before you suppressed that piece of yourself. I think the answer to that lies in how you feel and what thoughts arise in that moment.

mine tonight was during Rex’s song Pluto Projector, the very last song on the setlist tonight (*chef’s mf kiss*, melt my heart, it’s perfection, a little slice of heaven blessing the ears of all who listen to it).

as soon as it started, phone flashlights went up swaying and if anyone was filming they stopped not even 15 seconds in (including me). after that it was just a collective present moment. one of those “i’m going to miss this moment so much when it’s over” moments. bittersweet and beyond meaningful. in that, I started thinking back to when, where I was, and who I was when I first heard it live.

someone who was soft-hearted, sensitive, hopeless romantic, very easily excited, who would completely melt into the lyrics of the song and their emotions at that. and proud of all that.

I think for SO long I tried to kill all of it because of the way that softness, being excited, and literally just caring are perceived.

but WHO CARES?

sometimes I feel like there’s so much concern with constantly just moving forward and avoiding ourselves because we don’t want to be seen, or perceived in a way that we don’t have control over for the sake of looking cool but holy shit…

WHO CARES?

you should be soft if you want to be, take up space, enjoy yourself out of spite if that’s what it comes down to, freely show emotion, get attached, be expressive. you existing, being alive, living your life is a big occasion and it feels so damn good to enjoy a present moment without considering what everyone else is thinking.

prioritizing looking/seeming cool and detached is killing your experiences. it’s much cooler to care.

because again… if I’ve learned anything attending concerts alone this year it’s:

WHO. [FUCKING]. CARES? 🤠

so that’s it. we’ve made it to the end. tonight was so fun and after listening to Pluto Projector live again I can’t wait to be in love with someone in a “these songs are about you now” type of way with my soft-hearted self on deck and peaceful

if you read this all the way through, thank you and I love u (so much that I’m gonna leave you the setlist from tonight, thank me later)

rex orange county setlist | “who cares?” tour

all the love foreva

xx, -des 🌙